HOW TO FIND YOUR TRUE SELF
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew instinctively how others expected me to act. While I’ve never followed trends and knew how to find my true self in private moments, I’d always thought of being a chameleon as a kind of super-power; it allowed me to fit in and be accepted, no matter who I was with or what situation I found myself in.
But once, when I approached my mother on a now-forgotten eleven-year old dilemma, she advised me to “just be myself,” which completely confused me! I mean, WHO WAS I if I wasn’t adapting to my surroundings? I actually had no idea! I was able to be anyone the outside world wanted me to be, but if you’re anything like me, figuring out how to find your true self has been a life-long and never-ending course of discovery.
I was introduced to astrology in my late teens and it gave me so many answers on the quest to know thyself. It affirmed that with high amounts of mutable energies, I am genuinely a flexible, multi-faceted being who is able to empathise with many points of view and change my mind as often as my moods. Astrology has been a valuable tool that has helped me navigate life, allowing me to be more compassionate to myself and understand others better too. Plus it’s fun to be able to experience life equally comfortably, whether it’s teaching in a school, playing in a rock band, professional orchestra or serving drinks behind a bar!
Aquarian energy, however, (no matter our Sun sign) is the place in each of our charts where we are asked to embrace our true self, unique individuality and in doing so, often incidentally find our authentic tribe where we belong. Ruled by liberating Uranus, it’s not averse to being a bit ‘out-there’ or even outright shocking in the pursuit of truth, authenticity and freedom!
Here are 6 ways I’ve found that works to find my true self that I hope helps you if you’ve momentarily forgotten:
Start looking deeper into your natal astrology chart. No matter how much you already know, trust me there’s always more to discover! Start with your main astrology signatures, such as your Sun, Moon and Rising signs and look into your personal goddess asteroid archetypes. You’ll find you are the subject of never-ending fascination that brings so much clarity! (There are also obviously LOTS of personality typing systems out there and I say do them all - I am just a little biased towards astrology!)
Cast your mind back to what you loved doing as a child. What were the activities you did for the pure joy of it where time just flew? How did you most love to move your body and where did you love to spend your time? Your true self is still there, she probably just needs a reminder to come out to play. What truly lights you up and brings you the most enjoyment? Can you give yourself permission to do it?!
Share your opinion when it matters. Of course pick your moments and perhaps start in spaces where you feel safe, such as with trusted friends, rather than a public social media platform. There is certainly a need to be discerning where and when to share your thoughts, given the events of recent years, but backing yourself on your authentic beliefs can be an empowering experience too. A reminder to also listen to others’ opinions and always be respectful, but remember it’s also totally okay to disagree.
Break out of the box in some way. Us humans are creatures of habit, and often we are on auto-pilot with our daily tasks as we escape into our minds. Mixing things up can allow us to create new neural pathways and access more of who we are beyond the ‘same old - same old’. Try learning to play a musical instrument, take a different route to work/school or join a feminine movement class. Get curious about what else might emerge in you as you start to shake things up in your usual routines.
Follow your own rhythms. Know that you’re not good in the mornings? Adjust your schedule to do more later in the day. Know that you tend to get depressed on Sunday evenings? Plan to call a positive friend, or watch a funny movie to balance it. And, if you have one, definitely track your menstrual cycle so you know where your body is at, which informs the best things you can do for productivity (or not do!) to flow best with your natural rhythms.
Find some time and space just for you. So many women that I work with (as well as past versions of myself) have become so exhausted giving to everyone else that they have nothing left for themselves. I know all too well what it’s like to literally have no time for myself, but the secret is to start by carving out small increments, whether it’s a one-song movement ritual, a quick practise you can do in the shower or a longer walk in a nature when you are able. Spending some time in your own energy field and soothing your nervous system can create a boundary that allows you to hear the voice of your own soul and help to find yourself again. (I’m reminded that the other, traditional ruler of Aquarius is Saturn - all about boundaries and structure!)
It’s only recently that the words of renowned author and speaker, Brené Brown, have really sunk in for me - "The greatest barrier to belonging is fitting in.”
As you begin the brave journey to find your true self (who has always actually been there), trusting her to guide you, you may find old parts of you begin to naturally drop away. What is the unique part you’re feeling called to play in the ‘great drum circle of life’, as your true self makes herself known?
May finding your true self be a never-ending adventure - hopefully with lots of true soul friends who will now know where to find you as you shine your authenticity - and love you for being exactly who you truly are!
What else have you found helpful on the journey to finding your true self? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!